Pre/Postmodern football fans rejoice: The SPFL cometh

Early this afternoon, new Deadspin Editor Tommy Craggs posted an exclusive, leaked copy of the plans for a new football league, to be called the Spring Professional Football League, which would begin in 2013.

According to its own forecasts, the SPFL, whose management includes a number of former XFL and NFL Europe executives, will debut in 2013 with eight teams playing a 14- to 16-week season. The summary lists the cities under consideration as New York, Washington, Memphis, Orlando, Charlotte, Chicago, Detroit, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Denver, Dallas, Phoenix, Houston, Los Angeles, and Seattle. Teams would be centrally owned by the league, a la Major League Soccer.

The league is pitching itself as one that would not be a direct competitor to the NFL by declining to compete for time or players.

For anyone who loves postmodern establishment framework-busting, that premodern time when there were biologically different types of humans cruising around the Earth simultaneously, or who has admitted to playing fantasy XFL, this is thrilling news.

While Craggs’ Deadspin piece, linked above, includes some downers from “sports economists” like “this is XFL redux without the pizzazz and the McMahon baggage, but with all of the other flaws,” the fact that SPFL’s “director of cheerleading, Jay Howarth, was in charge of XFL cheerleading” should be news enough for any fence-sitters to jump on the SPFL train. 

Less-than-super Wednesday college basketball roundup

Last night was my first chance this season to watch a lot of college basketball, which was especially convenient because both Michigan State and Vanderbilt were playing in back-to-back nationally televised games. Both games were in-conference and on the road. In both cases, the visiting team was considered the better team, and in both cases, the visiting team lost in disappointing fashion. In Champaign, the Illini were barely able to take advantage of brutal shooting by the Spartans and extended absences by Draymond Green, stumbling into a 42-41 W. In Fayetteville, the Razorbacks out-rebounded the ‘Dores and largely played mistake-free basketball, which is a pretty solid formula for winning at home, which they did, 82-74. I also caught part of UT-UK and Clemson-Virginia. The message of the former was “youth,” and the message of the latter was “I did not watch enough to form any meaningful impression of either team.”

If you think this post has been slim on analysis so far, consider the above graphic. (HT: Deadspin)

Keep reading…

Heat, light, and passion: An Australian Open preview primer

Because my schedule doesn’t allow me to watch tennis happening in any Australian timezone or even try to navigate ESPN’s website to figure out when it’s playing (it is remarkable how difficult it is to find TV listings on TV network websites), here are some previews and updates from the Grand Slam Down Under and new tennis in the new year:

Traditionally, this tournament is thought of as the lesser of the four Slams, and in its early years, many pros skipped it. If you’re not paying attention because you think today’s players don’t care though, Marcos Baghdatis politely requests that you reconsider that position:

He does not like those rackets.

Was linking to those tournament previews late on day three of the event just an excuse to post that video and write Australian-related words? Koala dingo joey fosters wombat outback platypus melbourne dodo crocodile hunter opera house kangaroo.

Extremely late-breaking Friday textual jam about a musical jam about which I have had many questions

Or just one, really, which I have put on the tweeter on multiple occasions. Roughly recalled, that question is, why in 2011-2012 did a song released in 2003 become such a ubiquitous chant among fans at sporting events? Deadspin is the online publication of the people, and they have the people’s answer:

How The Song “Seven Nation Army” Conquered The Sports World

Back into the music next week. Happy belated birthday, Alexander Hamilton.

How bad are the Detroit Pistons?

Nevermind the score or the number of empty seats at The Palace, it’s the occupied seats that were of note in last night’s Mavericks-Pistons game; specifically, two seats on the Dallas bench. I have yet to read any explanation of who these guys are, but apparently professional basketball in Southeast Michigan has become such a joke that two guys who look like Jersey Shore hobos can sit in the middle of the visitors’ bench without a second look from former Detroit coach/current Dallas coach/current Jim Carey lookalike Rick Carlisle. On the other hand, maybe it’s part of some sort of fan-player reintegration following the 2004 brawl with the Pacers. The Pistons should be demoted to the And1 Mixtape Tour and exchanged for a starting five of Half Man Half Amazing, Skip 2 My Lou, The Professor, Escalade, and Sik Wit It, with player-coach Main Event coming off the bench.

(HT: Deadspin)

(UPDATE: Deadspin has identified the jabronies as a suburban Detroit “fashion entrepreneur” and his friend.)

The de jure national championship preview

Nick Saban* and Les Miles

The New Orleans Superdome has hosted a series of big football games over the past few days, including the Sugar Bowl, a Saints playoff game, and now the BCS national championship game tonight.

Keep reading…

The Bacardi Bowl

Although we already find ourselves comfortably inside college football’s bowl season, ALDLAND’s coverage admittedly has been on the slim side. With the Outback Bowl, Sugar Bowl, and Liberty Bowl sure to receive increased attention here in the coming days, we’ll continue the ramp-up with this story about the obscure Bacardi Bowl, which on all but one occasion featured a meeting between an American college team and some assemblage of Cuban players:

I think the Bacardi Bowl was a great idea for any number of reasons, many of which, as exexpatriate might say, fall under the category of “whimsy!” When I think of Havana, though, I think of two things. In no particular order, they are a) my first visit to Long Island, when I flew into MacArthur Airport in Islip and declared that, although I’d never been to Cuba, this certainly looked like Havana if I’d ever seen it (to be quite clear, I had not), and b) the Trio of Doom, a (basically) one-off post-bop/avant garde jazz super group– Jaco Pastorius, John McLaughlin, and Tony Williams– who played for twenty-five minutes together at the Havana Jam in 1979, resulting in one album. Video footage of the Havana Jam is scarce, but the following clip, while not featuring the Trio per se (I only can spot Jaco and the Mahavishnu for certain), should give you a sniff of the scene:

A case study in comparative NFL politics

Before the season started, I “interviewed” the NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, and asked him about some of his disciplinary decisions. I couldn’t get him on the horn on short notice, but because I know he reads the site, I want to present the following data points for his review.

Case #1: Thanksgiving Day; Ndamukong Suh

Suspension for the above depicted act (which posed no meaningful threat of injury to any player): two games.

Case #2: December 8, 2011; James Harrison

Suspension for the above depicted act (which caused immediate and ongoing serious injury to the player involved): one game.

That Suh is a “repeat offender” cannot explain the distinction, as Harrison’s history of “devastating” hits is even more well known, and one of Harrison’s hits last season was the catalyst for the league’s crackdown on the very type of hit he put on McCoy last week. The only possible rationale for Suh’s heavier sanction is that his action came on Thanksgiving, a day of massive viewership, while Harrison’s hit was on a Thursday night game with many fewer viewers. Still, an indefensible basis for the disparity.

Many are rushing to brand Suh, previously largely a media darling, as a dirty, immature player, and I’ve tried to flesh out my own thoughts on 2011 Suh, but if you think Suh is making the Lions into a violent team, 1) you’re doing a disservice to Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford, and 2) you haven’t heard 90s Lions star Lomas Brown dish on teammate Bennie Blades (fast forward to 3:24).

Buy a share of the Green Bay Packers, sit down, and shut your mouth (and your wallet)

The Green Bay Packers are America’s only publicly owned professional sports franchise, and that is really cool. Just in time for Christmas, the Pack recently launched a new stock offering, issuing a minimum of a quarter-million shares of common stock. In this case, common stock is not the sort of investment opportunity people are used to, although it does carry voting rights, however mathematically miniscule. For many of the more interesting elements of this offering, see Deadspin’s typically jaundiced-eye treatment of the details.

I found one aspect to be particularly noteworthy. Page five of the official stock offering document contains the following reminder of what it means to be a part-owner of an NFL team:

The NFL Rules prohibit conduct by shareholders of NFL member clubs that is detrimental to the NFL, including, among other things . . . publicly criticizing any NFL member club or its management, employees or coaches or any football official employed by the NFL . . . . If the Commissioner of the NFL (the “Commissioner”) decides that a shareholder of an NFL member club has been guilty of conduct detrimental to the welfare of the NFL then, among other things, the Commissioner has the authority to fine such shareholder in an amount not in excess of $500,000 and/or require such shareholder to sell his or her stock. In addition, if the Commissioner determines that a shareholder has bet on the outcome or score of any game played in the NFL, among other things, then the Commissioner may fine such shareholder in an amount not in excess of $5,000 and/or require such shareholder to sell his or her stock.

It seems to me that the sort of person who would want to buy common stock in the Packers is likely to be someone who does one or both of two things: 1) criticize football-related people, and 2) gamble on football. While enforcement seems unlikely, Deadspin notes that the threat was enough to spook at least one would-be purchaser.

The Two-Fisted, One-Eyed Misadventures Of Sportswriting’s Last Badass (via Deadspin)

George Kimball hung upside down some 70 feet in the cold Manhattan air, still in need of a cigarette. Well, the doctors had said smoking would kill him, hadn’t they? The previous autumn, they had found an inoperable cancerous tumor the size of a golf ball in his throat and given him six months to live. Five months had passed. He’d finished his latest round of chemotherapy, and now George, 62 years old and recently retired from the Boston Herald, was at the Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom in 2006, to cover a night of boxing for a website called The Sweet Science.

He’d never set foot in the place before. He didn’t even know what floor he was on when he went for a smoke between fights. There was a long line at the elevator so he went looking for a backstage exit and stepped out into the winter night, onto a tiny platform seven stories over the sidewalk. And then, as George would later tell the story, he plunged into darkness.

His leg caught between the fire ladder and the wall. He knew right away it was broken. He dangled from the fire escape like a bat—except bats can let go. He tried calling for help but his voice was too weak from the cancer treatments; he could barely whisper. Also, he wanted that fucking cigarette. A security guard, ducking out for his own smoke, found him, and it took another 20 minutes before the paramedics could get George on his feet. They wanted him to go to the hospital for X-rays but George talked them out of it. His wife was a doctor, he explained, and with all the chemo, he had more than enough painkillers at home.

He went back to his seat to watch the last two fights. Afterward, he hobbled to a drug store and bought a knee brace, an ice pack, a large quantity of bandages, and a lighter to replace the Zippo he lost in the fall. Two days later George would go to a hospital to set his broken leg. But that night, he went home. His wife Marge cleaned the scrapes on George’s arms, and he took a big hit of OxyContin. Then he filed his story on the fight. … Read More

(via Deadspin)