Super Bowl XLIX Preview

It’s like Publix, but more restrictive. Unless Bdoyk drops by to rep her Patriots, we’re going to be light on the Super Bowl previewing for this season. Part of the reason I think it’s hard for impartial fans to be excited about this game is that the ancillary trappings finally seem to have swallowed the game itself. Ray Rice. Adrian Peterson. Deflated balls. The media on Marshawn Lynch not wanting to talk to the media. The NFL making like 1Ls on a torts exam trying to concoct some way to fine Lynch for his media day appearance. Head injuries and premature player deaths. Even the abysmal NFC South. To say quite possibly the least, this hasn’t been the most fun or intriguing NFL season.

As a result, ALDLAND’s Super Bowl XLIX preview will consist of the following:

Get excited.

The Super Bowl starts at 6:30 pm on Sunday.

ALDLAND Podcast

What an exciting time in sports! The Super Bowl has just concluded and the Olympics are kicking into gear. And that’s not even including tonight’s lead story, which is the most exciting sports thing to happen since ever. And it’s not all just sports tonight. There is also extensive discussion of Sochi bathroom hypotheticals. So plug those headphones in and press play.

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Download the ALDLAND podcast at our Podcasts Page or stream it right here:

Comprehensive Super Bowl XLVIII Preview

As you can see from the above graphic, this year’s Super Bowl, already dubbed the Snow & States’ Marketing Rights Bowl, pits New York against New Jersey in a battle for subpar beach superiority. You do not have subpar taste, however, because you’re reading ALDLAND’s Super Bowl preview, the only one you’ll need to prepare yourself for the game on Sunday. What follows is a compilation of the most interesting, entertaining, and essential Super Bowl XLVIII content, concluding with the least interesting, entertaining, and essential Super Bowl XLVIII content, my game prediction:

  • First and most important: the game begins at 6:30 Eastern on Fox.

ALDLAND Podcast

It’s an (almost) all-bowl edition of the ALDLAND Podcast. After touching on some Grammy related issues and brainstorming ideas on how to improve the Pro Bowl, we launch into a discussion of the two big bowls next weekend: the Puppy and Super Bowls. Also included is discussion of Super Bowl food choices.

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Download the ALDLAND podcast at our Podcasts Page or stream it right here:

ALDLAND Podcast

ALDLAND is disappointed that we couldn’t bring in our promised special guest for a podcast this week, but rest assured he or she will be on soon for all sorts of fun discussion.  What we do have for our loyal listener(s) is discussion of last week’s Super Bowl, as well as some choice stories from around the sports world.  There’s even some soccer thrown in, for our listeners across the pond.  So just listen already.  And tell your friends.  If you aren’t telling your friends then you are failing in your social obligations.

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Download the ALDLAND podcast at our Podcasts Page or stream it right here:

Super Bowl XLVII Recap: Where do you go when the lights go out?

Everyone saw the game and it was a few days ago, so here are just a few points to put a wrap on this sports year*:

  • On that (historical) topic, I’ve been critical of Beyoncé in the recent past, but I thought her performance at halftime was just right for this setting. A no-holds-barred pop experience by one of the top musical celebrities of the day is what the Super Bowl halftime show should be.
  • (On that note, I finally saw the infamous Janet Jackson performance for the first time this week, and there is no possible way that wasn’t an intentional move by Justin Timberlake. How did he get away with that?!)
  • As for the no-call on the fourth-and-goal pass to Michael Crabtree:
    1. Based on where the ball landed, I think the pass was uncatchable, so the no-call is correct.
    2. For what it’s worth, Mike Pereira agrees with me, though for a different reason.
    3. There’s something sort of ironic about the 49ers complaining about a lack of a pass-interference call on the last play of a playoff game, or at least Falcons fans think so.
    4. If you really want to Zapruder the thing, click here and have your heart contented.
  • Also for Crabtree, he intercepted Colin Kaepernick’s first-half touchdown pass to a wide-open Randy Moss, so he probably should include that play in his analysis of the game.
  • Penalties, early and late in the game, really are what doomed San Francisco.
  • I think it’s fair to ask whether we should’ve seen Alex Smith in the game at some point.
  • Who told you about Frank Gore?
  • Who told you before kickoff the Ravens would win?

Thanks for tuning into our Super Bowl coverage. Onward.

*It really feels like the “sports year” ought to run from Super Bowl to Super Bowl, so we’re going to treat it that way around here. I’m not really sure what we’ll touch on between now and the Daytona 500, but there are a few items in the pipeline, so don’t worry. The slowest sports day of the year doesn’t come until July anyway.

Final Super Bowl XLVII Notes: The Baltimore Ravens will win

How do I know the Ravens will win? Read on…

Len Dawson, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback, after losing Super Bowl I

Len Dawson, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback, after losing Super Bowl I

First, the important details: Kickoff is at 6:30 pm, according to the NFL. CBS has the television and online broadcast rights, and Dial Global will have the radio broadcast. In reality, I have no idea if 6:30 represents kickoff, or just “kickoff,” and the real thing won’t happen until 7:00. I guess we’ll all find out together.

Second, before you read further, remember that if enough of you sign this petition, you don’t have to go to work tomorrow.

Third, I think our Super Bowl preview coverage over the last two weeks has been pretty good. Some highlights while you wait for “kickoff”:

Fourth, assuming you’ve covered that ground already, the best of the rest of the web:

  • When the final score doesn’t matter: How prop bets changed the way we gamble on the Super Bowl – You’ve done well to hang in this far into the post, degenerates. The prop bets themselves aren’t shocking or even chuckle-inducing anymore, but this history of how they came to be is an interesting read. (Hint: the house wins.)
  • The Best Super Bowl Documentary You’ve Never Seen – Ok, I get it. You’re ready to stop reading and watch TV. Instead of another hour of CBS’s refried game preview, this documentary is what you need. In 1976, the Bicentennial, a group of kids– including Bill Murray, Christopher Guest (aka Nigel Tufnel), and Harold Ramis (aka The Comic Genius Who Defined A Generation) took some of the first portable video cameras and had unprecedented (then or now) access to the players, fans, and everything else surrounding Super Bowl X. Lynn Swann, Johnny Unitas, and Bob Irsay all are there, among many others. It’s available at that link in four brief Youtube videos, and it’s one of the best sports things I’ve seen in recent memory.
  • Beyond Legend: Stories paint picture of real Randy Moss – A couple gems in here. Bill Murray-esque in some respects. (HT: Laura)

Fifth, as promised, your guaranteed winner tonight is the Baltimore Ravens. I admitted I’ll be cheering for San Francisco, but I have it on the best authority that the streets of Baltimore will be the ones to host a Super Bowl victory parade this year. You can read the full explanation here, but the short story is this logical truth: Norm Macdonald has a lifelong sports gambling problem; when he bets, he rarely wins; when he isn’t gambling, however, he can’t miss; he is gambling on these NFL playoffs, including the Super Bowl; a friend uncovered Norm’s early season, pre-return-to-gambling pick; by its untainted nature, that pick will be correct; that pick was Baltimore to win the Super Bowl. Unassailable. If you take it to the bank, be sure to break off part of your winnings for Norm (and me).

Enjoy the Super Bowl, everybody! Thanks for spending some of your pregame time with ALDLAND. Follow us @ALDLANDia for withering insight during the game.

Friday Night Bonus Jam


As promised on the ALDLAND podcast last night, I’m back with my first Friday jam in a while. Also as promised, it features ya boy Bangs, or Ur Boy Bangz as he styles himself now. No matter how Bangs chooses to spell his stage name, he is still bringing the noise when it comes to music. You only have to watch a tiny part of the video above to realize that in 20 years they will not be calling the Grammys by their present name, rather they will be renamed The Bangses.

No musician or musical group out there can hope to compete with Bangs, which is why it is sad that the Super Bowl made the decision to go with Beyonce rather than to get the best available act possible. The Super Bowl is arguably the biggest sports event in the world, and instead of the biggest musical act in the world we get more generic top 40 music. Maybe one day the organizers of this grand event will pony up the cash and get Bangs, but until then we will all just have to listen to his amazing music and watch his amazing videos (except for our international readers in Melbourne who can catch a Bangs show any time they want).

Seriously though, I would really like to take some time and lament how far the Super Bowl halftime show has fallen. I know no one watches the game for the halftime show, but after that whole Janet Jackson debacle they were on a great run for a while. Paul McCartney, the Stones, Prince, Tom f’ing Petty, the Boss and The Who. Bring back the classic rock, people! I know the kids might not like it, but kids are the worst! I am 100% positive that any of those above named guys could still rock out. What we really need though, is Van Halen. Kids need to learn what real music is. Okay, rant over. Have a great Super Bowl weekend, and whatever music you are listening to, make sure to do the Merton Hanks dance a bit to liven things up. See below for instructions.

ALDLAND Podcast

With all of you ALDLANDers out there getting excited for the Super Bowl, we had to put out a robust podcast covering that game, and also the biggest game of the weekend, Michigan at Indiana.  Join yours truly and Marcus as we cover everything from x’s and o’s to how dumb Chris Culliver is.  Come for the Super Bowl, stay for discussion of James Franklin being a weirdo.

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Download the ALDLAND podcast at our Podcasts Page or stream it right here:

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Ravens vs. 49ers: A losers’ guide to Super Bowl cheering

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Super Bowl Jam

The leadup to Super Bowl XVII has gotten a little raucous around here, and I promise it wasn’t planned that way. First, make sure you sign the petition, and then check out all of our Super Bowl coverage. You won’t regret it.

One item buried in all of that is a breakdown of a fantastic GIF of 49ers fans. While preparing my analysis, I came across a number of videos of musical performances that were new to me, even though the songs are well known. One of those was by a relatively recent Super Bowl halftime performer, so I decided to feature it in this spot this week:

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Related Super Bowl Coverage
The Truth: What really happened in the murder trial of Ray Lewis, Reginald Oakley, and Joseph Sweeting (via Atlanta Magazine)
Ravens vs. 49ers: A losers’ guide to Super Bowl cheering

A question about Super Bowl Media Day
Beyond the Archives: How Big Government Cost Southern Conservatives a Super Bowl Win

Super Bowl Politicking

ALDLAND Archives: Breaking Up is Hard to Do
ALDLAND Archives: Why I Hate Harbaugh
Super Bowl XLVII, brought to you by the AARP?