The Good Old Hockey Game (via Grantland)

What I miss most about hockey are the different ways things look, and the different ways things sound. There is nothing in sports like walking out into an arena in which everything is dark except for the gleaming sheet of ice below. Nothing sounds quite like the hiss of the blades, and the different sounds of the different tiny detonations — a puck onto a stick, a puck onto the glass, a puck onto the boards, a body into the boards — that make up the action. They are all sharp and varied, like the argumentative calls of exotic crows. What I miss most about hockey are the many ways it is so different from everything else. Everything is so damned vivid. This is, of course, only part of the reason that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman needs to be rendered naked, smeared with honey and jam, and dragged behind a Zamboni across an endless field of anthills.

Or something.

I am not even the greatest of hockey fans, but I know this one thing: Outside of NASCAR fans — who are outliers in so many ways, including, alas, which way many of them would have been rooting at Gettysburg — hockey fans have a more intimate relationship with their sport than do any other fans. Their devotion to the game as a game is more enduring than that of most football fans, and it is far less insufferable than that of most baseball fans, the latter of which, I believe, would be content if the games were contested on spreadsheets by columns of inhuman figures. (A large percentage of football fans also prefers to look on the games as columns of figures, most of which end, oddly enough, with “-10,” or “O/U 65.”) In certain parts of the country, like, say, the Boston area, in which I grew up and I live right now, hockey fans follow the collegiate and professional levels with equal fervor — as opposed to basketball fans with their endless, stupid arguments about whether or not the college game is superior to the NBA version — because, in both cases, you’re simply watching hockey, which is all that matters. … Read More

(via Grantland)

Mario Balotelli: A Great Athlete or the Greatest Athlete?

Some of you might not know who Mario Balotelli is and what he is about.  Heck, it’s likely that most of you don’t know him.  Rest assured, however, that your children, and your children’s children will know his name.  There will undoubtedly be philosophy classes in future years focused solely on the wisdom imparted on us by Mario Balotelli.  In a mere 21 years on this planet Mario Balotelli has done and said enough to fill volumes upon volumes of books.  Balotelli’s achievements have not been confined to the soccer pitch, although he has had success there with European giants Internazionale and Manchester City.  Here is just a sampling of what makes him not just the greatest athlete of all time, but the greatest mind of all time:

  • Balotelli became the face of a fireworks safety campaign in Britain after one of his friends set off fireworks in the bathroom of Balotelli’s mansion during a party, thereby setting fire to the mansion.
  • After scoring a brace in the Manchester Derby against crosstown rivals Manchester United, rolled around Manchester in his Bentley convertible, blaring music and high fiving City fans.
  • When asked about his post-match joyride, responded by saying  about City’s fans, “Even when I have had bad moments they have supported me.  But I don’t care what people say about me.  I am focused on my football, my manager, girlfriends and my family.”  Yeah, he just said girlfriends.  Mario Balotelli is playing the field and he doesn’t care if you, his manager, or even his multiple girlfriends know

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that all happened in one weekend.  In one weekend, Mario Balotelli has done more crazy stuff than most athletes do in their entire life.  Even Terrell Owens would be shocked at what Balotelli was able to accomplish in just three short days.
 
You might say, ”well, none of that sounds too crazy or awesome,” to which I would reply “hmmm,” because that is how I reply to most things people say to me.  In case you aren’t convinced that Balotelli is the craziest, most awesome thing to happen to sports since Wade Boggs drank 64 beers on a cross country flight, here is some other awesome stuff that Super Mario has done:  Keep reading…