Yesterday marked the beginning of baseball season, as the Seattle Mariners stomped on the Oakland Athletics 3-1 (a 2 run win qualifies as a big win for Seattle). For most teams, however, opening day does not occur until next Thursday. That’s good, because it gave me time to write this preview. Be warned: MS Paint is heavily involved, because I have been playing a lot of Draw Something lately and I want to keep drawing stuff. Also, I just need something to set this apart from any number of other MLB previews out there. Accordingly, after every division preview you will find a graphical representation of the division. I’ll go through division by division and then say who I think will take the various wild cards. 

AL East projected order of finish:

1. Yankees
2. Rays
3. Red Sox
4. Blue Jays
5. Orioles

The Yankees are the class of this division, and addressed their lack of starting pitching by trading for Michael Pineda, but it’s not a slam dunk that they will win the East at the end of the season. Tampa has a strong squad with some solid hitters, and a great staff to back it up, starting with Vanderbilt alum David Price. In Boston, people are already talking about how Bobby Valentine and the bunch of entitled, beer and fried chicken loving slackers that compose the Boston roster are not meshing. If people are saying how you aren’t meshing in spring training, there’s going to be problems during the regular season. The Sox still have a talented roster, but they aren’t going to make the playoffs if there’s unrest in the clubhouse. The Blue Jays have some solid hitters and a lot of up and coming young talent and could challenge for the third spot in the AL East/a wild card berth. The Orioles are a baseball team pretty much in name only.

Graphical representation: The Yankees are chilling to one side with sunglasses on because they have clinched a playoff spot early on and don’t really care. This means that they will flame out in the first round, as they so often do. Meanwhile, the Tampa Bay ray has impaled the Red Sox logo. The Blue Jay is just kind of flying around doing his thing, hoping the Red Sox will falter enough that he can get into the playoffs. The Oriole is at the bottom, wondering when he will join the party.

AL Central

1. Tigers
2. Royals
3. Twins
4. Indians
5. White Sox

You might not be aware, but there are other teams besides the Tigers in this division. The good news for Detroit fans is that none of those teams should be very good. Maybe I’m buying into the hype, but I think KC finally puts it together this year and notches a winning season behind some strong efforts from its young prospects. Eric Hosmer is the next big thing, people. After that, none of the teams is very scary or especially good. The Twins will likely continue to be scrappy and win more games than people expect them to. The Indians could be in line for a good season if they get some bounce back years from
Ubaldo Jiminez and whatever Fausto Carmona calls himself now. The White Sox still have Adam Dunn on their team, a signing they will regret for many years. They don’t really have a lot else, and they will certainly feel the departure of Mark Buerhle in the rotation.

Graphical representation: The Tiger has eaten every other team in the division, and that is why the others do not appear in this picture. Actually, I just learned that I cannot even draw a crappy approximation of a Tiger in MS Paint. God help me if that word ever comes up in Draw Something. Anyway, here is a picture of a tiger looking fierce. Not going to lie, it honestly scares me to continue to look at it.

AL West

1. Angels
2. Rangers
3. Mariners
4. Athletics

This one’s a two team race, folks. Neither the Mariners nor the Oakland Pathetics (like that one?) have much in the way of offense, and will not hang with the top dogs in the long haul. The Angels brought in a guy who has been known to be pretty good at baseball, and get Kendrys Morales back to add some additional offense. They should be pretty fearsome. The Halos also added CJ Wilson to an already good rotation featuring Jered Weaver and Dan Haren. Meanwhile, the Rangers are still the same slugging team that made it to back to back World Series and the while they did lose Wilson to their division rivals, they still have a pretty good pitching rotation. Seattle and Oakland sometimes play a game that approximates baseball.

Graphical representation: Here Albert Pujols is pictured hitting the state of Texas with his bat. Seattle and Oakland are not pictured.

NL East

1. Phillies
2. Marlins
3. Braves
4. Nationals
5. Mets

The Phillies lost Roy Oswalt this offseason, but look . . . they still have three bona fide aces. Of more concern to fans in the city of brotherly love is the absence of Chase Utley and Ryan Howard in the lineup, at least initially. Still, the Phillies will get by on the strength of their pitching until those two return, and will win the division, although less comfortably than in previous years. After the Phillies, the race for number two and a wild card spot (spots, perhaps?) will be tight. The Marlins have added Jose Reyes and Mark Buerhle to strengthen their team, and have brought in the always entertaining Ozzie Guillen to manage. They will make strides this year and take one of the NL’s two wild card spots. The second wild card could also come from the east, with both the Braves and Nationals boasting strong, but flawed teams. The Mets are about a dysfunctional as a baseball team gets, and will likely start in the cellar and stay there for the entire season.

Graphical representation: Cliff Lee is pictured here throwing a baseball through a marlin.

NL Central

1. Reds
2. Cardinals
3. Brewers
4. Cubs
5. Astros

The Reds return a strong lineup and solid pitching staff, boosted by the addition of Mat Latos.  The Cardinals will find a way to hang in there, even with the loss of Pujols.  They are that kind of team that is always there vying for a playoff spot at the end of the season, and as we all know from 2006 and 2011, if they get into the playoffs . . . watch out.  The Brewers will feel the loss of Prince Fielder, and Ryan Braun could have some trouble getting back into the swing of things after the tumultuous offseason he had.  The Cubs are still a couple years away from contention, and the Astros are just biding their time until they switch from being the worst team in the NL Central to being the worst team in the AL West.
 
Graphical representation: You know what?  NL Central doesn’t get a picture.  They bore me.

NL West

1. Giants
2. Diamondbacks
3. Rockies
4. Dodgers
5. Padres

The NL West might be the division that benefits the most from having two wild card spots.  The Giants and Diamondbacks both return strong squads that will challenge for the title/the new wild card spot.  After those two teams, it gets pretty murky.  The Rockies, as usual, have some good hitters but not much pitching.  The Dodgers have some great pieces, with one reigning Cy Young award winner Clayton Kershaw and perennial MVP candidate Matt Kemp.  If Andre Ethier can overcome some of the nagging injuries that plagued him last year and the Dodgers can get some production from some of their role players, then they could very well jump into the division/wild card race as well.  The Padres are the token bad team of the division who I don’t really feel like talking about.  Sorry Padres fans.  At least you live in an awesome city.

Graphical representation: Tim Lincecum is pictured here trying to smoke the Diamondbacks’ snake mascot.  Frank McCourt is pictured crying.

Playoffs
AL
Wild Card:
Rays over Rangers
Division:
Angels over Rays
Tigers over Yankees
ALCS:
Angels over Tigers

NL
Wild Card:
Diamondbacks over Marlins
Division:
Phillies over Diamondbacks
Giants over Reds
NLCS:
Phillies over Giants

World Series
Angels over Phillies

Actually, scratch all that.  This last picture is what really will happen.  It depicts the Mariners winning the World Series and inviting me to lead the parade.